if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
