so explain again why im purple
no
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Randomize