So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
