if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
