I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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