"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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