The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
