Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
