it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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