I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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