: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
