Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
