Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
