so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
