I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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