I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
