When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
