I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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