Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The power of my boobs compel you
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize