so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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