well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize