i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
false alarm, still single
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
