remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Randomize
