I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
