I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
