I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
