I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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