It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
