Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
