There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
