it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
