Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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