that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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