I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
