This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
