Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
