You made me cry and you don't even care
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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