My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
