Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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