am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize