The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize