It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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