Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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