So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
