: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
