I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
