Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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