I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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