i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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