oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
