he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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