Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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