Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
