I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
