So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
