i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
