roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
