no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
