I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
