Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
