The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
