You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
