Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
