took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
this just has baby written all over it
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
