SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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