So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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