i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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