the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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