I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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