So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
