If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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