He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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