I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
