you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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