Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
